Bare Buns Fun Run 2011
by Bart Haggin
At the end of the long and dusty road there is the place for no clothes.
The challenge of running a race without clothes on drew me to The Bare Buns Fun Run at the Kanicksu nudist camp. This is billed as the Original nude run in the country and it draws people from near and far.
In spite of the remote location miles past the Eastern edge of Deer Lake, the resort it is not a rustic arrangement. There is a small hotel for non-tent guests, an excellent swimming pool, two volley ball courts and an impressive large pond with a canoe and a tall fountain.
Hundreds of people were there, both to stay for days or longer and to run the race! A mosquito wouldn’t know where to start!
Never before have I been completely without clothes at a public event! It is more than a strange sensation to walk down the road from where the car is parked with not even a hair net on. That’s not quite right. I have on socks and my running shoes and I do have my key to the car laced to my one shoe. I’m feeling a little like when I strip down and my dog is watching.
I am determined to look everyone straight in the eyes and remember that at the age of 75 I am no longer worried about revealing my short comings. My first face to face encounters resulted in friendly smiles and that put me at ease. There were a few people that were fully clothed in the crowd but I took comfort in the fact that I was a member of the overwhelming majority; almost a first time experience for me! Now when you meet a blond here you have no trouble telling if the carpet matches the drapes! Deep down, I’m shallow.
The first real conversation was with the very large woman at the registration desk. As she leaned over the registration materials and handed me mine I was struck by how casually she carried her wealth of physical presence. She was so obviously as comfortable as a cat on a cushion in her ample supply of skin! My manhood was hiding under the table.
Now some would ask how you are able to “wear” your race tag which has your timing device on it. This is essential race equipment. It turns out that the tags have holes in all four corners through which you thread lengths of yarn. What you do from there is up to your comfort and modesty level. Some arrange it on their chests as is usually done when you have pins and clothes. Women, mostly, wore them at waist level to avoid discomfort. Some men did the same but wore them high enough to not cause sensitivity issues.
A surprise meeting with old friends is amusing and is pretty relaxed since now we are all in Rome! I was just a bit amused by people I knew greeting me as if we were passing on the sidewalk. “Hi, nice to see you again.” That had a little extra meaning.
I had gotten the impression from nudist friends that I should expect mostly older folks (50 and up?) who were less than perfect physical specimens. There were many of those but there were an array of people of all ages and an amazing number of fine female physiques. I think there were more men than women and the majority of them were not carrying excess baggage. Taking a very cursory and unscientific look around I thought the taller the man the more prominent the profile. Based on my fairly limited knowledge of the female anatomy I would venture a guess that implants were not part of the Kaniksu experience.
Some of the runners had glitter stuck to their skin in a variety of places, some more attention getting than others.
Ah, but the race! I would think there were close to three hundred participants as runners and walkers. That is a respectable size for even a local, urban 5K. It is run on the road into the compound which is quite smooth. It is not dusty and mostly shaded, which is good for a 9:30 start in late July here. It has a downhill start to the turnaround and then the second half is just as uphill as the first half was downhill! And, yes, it is an out and back course so you are able to appreciate the scenery both going and coming!
I flew down the first mile in 7minutes, 17 seconds. Even then I was passed by many men and women, just like in most of my races these days. One anomaly that caught my eye was how frequently I saw a round, black tattoo on the right rear cheek of the fast women. Tattoos were surprisingly rare in this crowd so that was attention getting.
I have to say that the run back, uphill and facing “traffic” had to be the most revealing return of any race I have ever been in! You simply can’t keep from noticing the “ups and downs” of the men and left to right motions of the women! It would be a lifetime project for
Leonardo da Vinci!
Then there is the finish line! A short downhill finish is in front of the crowd by the buildings and the swimming pool. At this point some of the timid, clothed runners, may pause, strip down, and run across the line to get the coveted, nude finisher shirt! Then they quickly got back into “uniform” for the post race festivities. Lawyers living up to the letter of the law?
I did finally, get back to the finish line soon enough to gain additional appreciation for the slower competitors. Many of the slower contingent were very attractive people going at a pace of their own choosing. Some almost made me believe in intelligent design.
It took them quite a long time to get to the awards and sort out the first three places in each of the age groups. That meant that there was plenty of time to “people watch”. It was certainly more enjoyable than watching the scene at LAX or SEATAC!
If you were a member of the Audubon Society I think this would spoil you for bird watching.
Sun worshipers were in abundance in spite of the dermatologist’s warnings. My suspicion is that the majority of the clothed crowd was hiding a pink epidermis.
The only body piercing I observed was done by a few young women with rings in the most sensitive area of their breasts. Ouch!
With very few tattoos showing two very healthy young men and fast runners had remarkable body art. Both of them had portraits covering the entire groin area. One of them displayed an elephant image and the other had a picture of Pinnochio. I don’t think any more description is needed there. In their cases size did matter. Generally, I thought the overall spirit of the occasion projected a good sense of humor by all!
The awards were done quite professionally. If you were shy before, this should have put an end to that. Names and home towns were loudly announced and pictures were taken! There were some very fast nudists there!
In spite of the drawn out ceremony at the end I was a little wistful as I left this freedom loving community. I might be drawn to this event again in the future but not right away. Still the road back didn’t seem as dusty as it did when I arrived.